It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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