I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
