Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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