Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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