you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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