great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
