return my video game
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
