just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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