You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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