Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
