I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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