i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
