the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
