Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
