In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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