Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
