Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
