Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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