Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
