What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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