Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
