Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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