I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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