I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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