My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
