Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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