Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
