Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
