do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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