The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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