she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
