maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
farters have to be the big spoon...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This house was built for laser tag.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
