I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
