bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
