Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
