He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
