I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
