so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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