Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
