Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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