please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
