my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
