so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
