Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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