I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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