She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
