Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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