do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I believe in your delicious
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
