is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You pole danced in your parka.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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