how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
