I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
