God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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