If that was your dad, he is hot
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
