OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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