Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
