I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
