new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
