On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
