I just pynch a tree in the face
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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