My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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