I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
