Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
