This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think my moral compass just broke
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize