It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize