just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
