i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
