I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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