My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
