i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
