atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
try to milk me bitch
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
