i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize