I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So apparently I’m into choking now
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
