If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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