he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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