Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
