we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
tell me about the fingering
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