Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize