ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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