my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
