i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
