I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
