Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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