Little spoons don't ask big questions
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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